Is it a mistake or is it feedback?

Last week I did a training where I explained that when you have Unchained Confidence … we stop looking at things as right or wrong. And we definitely stop looking at mistakes as bad … in fact, we ask the question: “What if there were no mistakes, just feedback?

What would living in world where you can’t get things wrong look like?

I asked my teenage guitar playing son that … he was adamant that when you are performing there is definitely wrong or right in how something sounds.

And I replied … “yes, but what if instead of calling it wrong, you call it feedback: this is not the way that makes a song sound good?”

I totally understand it sounds pedantic. But hear me out (did you catch that pun there?)😜

We are meaning making machines. And WE get to decide what meaning to give things.

Mistakes as Stepping Stones

So if we adopt radical acceptance of “mistakes” not as setbacks but as feedback. We will not only be kinder to ourselves, but we will also open up the opportunity to grow.  In this light, every error, every misstep, becomes a crucial learning point, an opportunity to gain insight and adjust our course. This approach demystifies the fear of failure, encouraging a more daring, experimental approach to life and work.

The Feedback Loop of Growth

✅ Continuous Learning: With Unchained Confidence, every experience is a lesson. This mindset fosters a culture of continuous learning, where the focus shifts from proving oneself to improving oneself.

✅ Innovation and Creativity: When we’re not paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes, we’re more likely to think outside the box, try new approaches, and innovate. This is where true creativity flourishes, fueled by the freedom to explore and experiment.

✅ Resilience Building: Viewing mistakes as feedback naturally builds resilience. It’s easier to bounce back when you see setbacks as part of the process rather than personal failures.

✅ Enhanced Problem-Solving: By interpreting challenges as feedback, we develop a more solution-oriented mindset. This not only enhances our problem-solving skills but also makes us more adaptable and versatile in facing future challenges.

Ugh. This Sounds Like “Everyone Is A Winner”

I know right? But it’s not. I am so against the trophy culture and in my many years of working with kids, we teach them resilience by teaching them how to lose. There are clear winner and losers in a race. Whether that is a sales team ranking, a presidential election, or a marathon.

Changing mistakes for feedback has nothing to do with this. You can lose a race and still not have done it “wrong”.  Because you stop assigning “wrong” as something.

Let’s say you are a salesperson and really want to close a deal. And in the process, something goes awry, and it doesn’t close.

Does that mean you did something wrong or are you getting feedback that how you did the process did not work out?

YOU get to decide.

But if you are like most people, making yourself “wrong” just adds to a self-loathing narrative that keeps you stuck, embeds the thought that you are not good enough, and helps you dig a hole of self-pity that might be hard to climb out of.

OR

If you decide to ask, “this didn’t work out the way you wanted it to … what feedback am I receiving?”. You might be more open to learning and to grow from the experience.

Words matter.

Because words are thoughts expressed, and how you think will 100% impact your results.

But you get to choose.

So, are you willing to accept a worldview that there are no mistakes just feedback?